Home > family law general, personal > Something to think about. . .

Something to think about. . .

Tonight I went to one of the many things my kids do, and participated as their Mom.  I wasn’t alone in that title.  This wasn’t something I thought about when I was getting divorced.

You don't have to be a lesbian for your kid to have two moms (it only sounds like that when your child hollers it standing atop a table at Arby's. . .)

My youngest had a special event recently, and afterward he came to my house and had a family party with my extended family.  His father was not invited.  Probably wasn’t something my ex was thinking about when we got divorced.

Divorce is going to impact your life in a lot of different ways.  You no longer get to have your kids with you whenever you want them to be.  You have to share with someone else, someone you may not like (at all) anymore.  Because that other Someone is still your child’s parent.  You may have to share with people who are NOT your child’s parent.  That’s something you may not have thought of either when getting divorced.

I have very dear friends who have had a rough go of their marriage.  They have toyed with the idea of divorce.  They have asked me for my input.  What have I told them?  Work out your problems.  If you think your life is complicated now, imagine when you don’t have full control of it.

I’ve talked a lot about kids on this blog.  I have a particularly close feeling about kids in divorces.  Part of the reason mine was so bad for me was because I was so concerned about my kids–how it was going to effect them in the short run, mostly.  What I wasn’t thinking was Long Run.  Had I made different choices, it still would have been difficult in the short run, but I believe ALL of us would have been better off today.  You need to not make that mistake.  Truly think through the consequences of your divorce.  There are consequences for everyone involved.  [Big Huge NOTE here:  If a consequence of NOT getting divorced involves perpetual misery/death for you, GET OUT.  Run, don’t walk, to your nearest competent family law attorney.]  If the consequences are that your life only becomes harder because of dealing with an ex in relation to your kids (and possibly a step-parent in the future), maybe you need to work on the marriage a little more.  This is something no one else can do for you.

It’s your life.  These are your kids.  Think through it.  Don’t just bolt when it get a little uncomfortable.  You are better than that.  You deserve better.

So do your kids.

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