And a Quickie…

It’s been an EXTREMELY busy few weeks for me.  I’ve felt guilty about not updating the blog more regularly, but honestly, folks–life happens.  Kids happen.  Soccer happens.  And for me, new clients with lots of documents to draft/court appearances to make/mediations to attend have also happened, too.

Not that I’m complaining–I did my taxes, and I clearly need to make more money to be able to afford to pay the Government my “fair share”…. (uh-huh…yeah….ugh.)  I wanted to just quickly let you know a few of the things I’ve learned the past month or so.

So, in no particular order:

1)  Recognize when It’s Over, and put the past in its place.  I have a case where my client, bless him, seems bent on dragging out last summer repeatedly.  I know.  He was screwed.  It’s true.  The (almost) ex has put them both in a terrible position financially.  But seriously, that part’s over now, there is nothing we can do about it, and it’s time to move on.  Continuing to dwell on it, and try to find justice, is only costing him money (and not to me, btw.)  There comes a time in every family case where you have to just cut your losses, let go of the past, and Move On.

Which brings me to….

2)  Family court cannot fix everything.  In fact, it can’t fix MOST things.  You have to do that yourself, by yourself, within yourself.  Your ex is likely still going to be a jerk/b*tch.  You will continue to have problems.  Control what you can, let go of what you can’t, and do the best you can TODAY.  You can’t change the past; you can’t control the future.  Work on Today, right now, and take deep breaths. (Ok, I haven’t actually learned this myself, but it’s good advice, and I’m workin’ on it!)

3)  Family court is NOT FAIR.  The court does not know you, and it doesn’t know your ex.  It doesn’t know all the hell that person has put you through; frankly, it doesn’t care.  The court is interested in applying law and its own discretion to your case, and getting you out of its way as fast as possible.  Accept it.  Deal with it.  And DON’T blame your lawyer for it.

4)  Know when to cut your losses.  Yes, there may be more money there that you could get, but how much will you spend fighting this battle in attorney fees, expert witness fees, and lost income (from taking off work to fight this battle)?  AGAIN, No, it’s not fair.  No one ever said it would be.  Your sanity is worth something, though, as is your emotional stability.  Don’t waste time and money fighting over money/assets/STUFF that isn’t worth it when compared with what you spend to get it.  Recognize when it’s time to let go, and MOVE ON.

And as an aside here, know this:  I am so sorry.  Really.  If you are involved in a family law case, your life is probably a mess right now, and the court isn’t helping (someday I’ll tell you about my experience with a rather insulting judge who hates domestic cases….really offensive, and I was a lawyer in the room, and not one of the poor souls whose lives were involved in the case…double UGH.)  Going through a divorce, working through a custody battle, trying to enforce your already-existing Order—these are all miserable, emotional things, that send your life into a state of chaos.  I understand.  I’ll do what I can.  But lastly:

5)  More than likely, this is NOT your lawyer’s fault.  Place blame where blame is due (with YOURSELF, if appropriate), address your actual issues, and MOVE ON.  It’s time.  Let go of what you don’t need, what’s going to cost you too much to pursue, and start living again.

Live in the Now--taking care for the future, and letting go of the past...

  1. Garrett Smith
    October 14, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    I’m a fan. Wow. You go.


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