Home > divorce, family law general, paternity/child custody, personal > It’s Not About You–Raising Kids with the Ex Post-D: Part 3

It’s Not About You–Raising Kids with the Ex Post-D: Part 3

I had an interesting experience just recently.  My oldest son got all four of his wisdom teeth out, and his appointment with the oral surgeon just so happened to fall on a day that I had the kids.  My ex had emailed me previously regarding payment on this (his insurance, that covers the kids, does NOT cover dental work of any type.)  He asked if I could pay my half, and as per usual, I’m not making enough money to do that, BUT, fortunately, I was able to tell him (FINALLY) that I could cover part of my half.  There was some sort of discount to be had for paying up front on the day of the procedure, so I agreed to come up with a chunk of the money when I took the kid in for his appointment.  (The ex went in the day before and paid the larger portion of the total.)

So I went in on the day of, with my son, and spoke with the lady at the front desk. She started to prep herself for what she was sure was a battle about payment, when I told her, “[the ex] and I discussed previously, and I’ll pay the remainder of what’s owed today.”  The woman honestly looked stunned.  “We don’t usually have people work this well together who are divorced,” she said.  “Well,” I told her, “the ex and I are….Adults.”

This is not the first doctor’s office/teacher/school secretary that I’ve had look at me like this.  Again, while I can’t claim to be perfect in this whole Parenting With the Ex thing, we do really try to keep the kids out of the fight.  I have paid for things I shouldn’t have *had* to per the decree; there have been a few head to head confrontations between myself/the ex/his wife outside a parent teacher conference (away from the kids, ALWAYS).  So why do we work well together when it comes to healthcare providers, schools, church stuff, etc?  It’s because this is not about Us.  This is about our kids, and their wellbeing, and their normal development, and their happy, well-adjusted childhoods.

I’m not delusional enough to think that my kids aren’t affected by my divorce.  But I am conscious and aware of the things I do have within my power to do that will ease some of the stress/anxiety/weirdness that my children have to deal with in having divorced parents.  My ex is as well (more or less).  We do what we do because we both love our kids, and we ARE adults.  It’s not my babies’ faults that I couldn’t stay married to their dad.  And I’ll be damned if I let that hurt them anymore than it has to.

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