Home > growing up, Parenting, personal, That's Life > ….and it’s the holidays. Again.

….and it’s the holidays. Again.

christmas-over

My mom, dad, sisters, and I have an ongoing conversation via text message that my brother in law dubbed the “Tatter.”  Back just after Halloween I was bemoaning on the Tatter how Walmart already had Christmas stuff up and how much I hated it.  The response was quick– “I love it!”  “I can’t wait to get on with Christmas!”  And then there was me, Queen Grinch herself, grinching about how Christmas is depressing, wears me out, and that I generally can’t stand it.  Bah Humbug.

My mom commented that I just need to focus on the Reason for the Season, the birth of Christ.  And that part I’m totally ok with…It’s just all the Pressure.  The stress, the expectations I cannot and never do meet, the crowds and traffic and noise and PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.  The Reason gets drowned out in all the madness.

Then there’s the inevitable Dealing With The Other Parent.  As I’ve said, my situation with that is generally no problem at all, it’s the Other one that we have to deal with.  There’s always Trauma Drama in that department, and the anxiety in thinking about it just puts me into a panic.

I have generalized anxiety disorder.  And panic disorder.  And major depressive disorder, and dysthmia (having symptoms of depression for 2 years or longer).  I’m on medication to address the more pronounced symptoms of all this Crazy, because I still have to function.  Some days are worse; some days are better.  But Christmas….UGH.

Maybe in another post I’ll go into what it means to have a brain that wants to kill me, but for today, I’m tired, I’ve been on the verge of tears all day for no reason, I have the shakes, and I’ve had pain in my chest now since Monday with Christmas looming and an empty bank account.  So please do forgive the Bah Humbug.  I’m working on it.

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