Real Life is Far Less Pleasant… Or, It’s Not All About First World Problems

Today has been a rough day.  I have an anxiety disorder.  Some days are better than others, and today started out so-so.  I was at work; I was getting things done; I was feeling Productive–sometimes I catch things in a legal issue that no one else did and I feel SMART.  But today…

I strive for anonymity in my blog.  My goal is to maintain appropriate distance between my real life and what others can see.  Part of this is as a protection; part of this is out of a desire to prevent inappropriate revelation to the minor children in my life.  The real problem, though, has asserted itself:  At what point is it appropriate to share Real Life and Actual Facts with children I love?  I don’t think it’s appropriate to share adult details with kids in divorce/custody situations.  As a rule.  Because it’s not fair–we’re talking about kids, whose full brain development will not be completed until they are roughly 26 years old (according to Utah’s Bear River Health Department and the presentation they give the 5th graders.)  So how do we deal with our kids, who are being told by the Other Parent that that parent is perfection’s masterpiece, and the non-custodial is satan’s spawn??

This has been today’s quandry.  Because I am deeply in love with one whose ex-spouse is bound and determined to tell their children that every problem in their life is because Dad Sucks. And any effort he makes to ensure that he sees the kids (in spite of the ex’s Agenda) is because he is trying to Ruin Their Lives.  I have been beyond angry.  And in fact, have been casting about trying to find more words to describe Angry:  Livid.  Furious.  Enraged.  Nothing seems to be strong enough, without resorting to crude, obscene, vicious descriptions of the Other… and I will NOT subject ya’ll to them.

I have a really hard time dealing with injustices.  I may have mentioned that before, but the truth is, I am not in the solo practice as a family law attorney any more because I can no longer emotionally tolerate the horror that divorcing parties inflict on each other.  My ex and I, after more than a decade, have come to a place where we can peacefully co-exist and endorse the other for the sake of the kids’ well-being.  But there are so many others, including my step-children…

I love these kids!  And I love their dad!  And I have been around the block enough to know what is the Right Thing to do, and what Isn’t.  And having to confront and deal with what Isn’t nearly puts me over the edge.  What in hell is wrong with the Other???  Why in the name of all that is good and sane is she behaving in this hateful, ridiculous, confrontational manner???  Why does she keep telling the children that in spite of HER faults, the Other is to blame for everything???

And then…I soak in a very hot tub with epsom salts, baking soda, and (super cheap Walmart ) essential oils lavender to try and calm down.  Tonight the epsom salts were gone (curses!!!!).  And I was left to watching Netflix on my laptop on a stool while in the bath with just lavender and baking soda.  I needed something Not Stupid Superficial…it’s been a Real day, after all.  I chose Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown Madagascar show. I’m trying to calm down.  Gain some perspective.  Keep from wanting to do bodily harm to the Others out there who make life miserable for people I love…

The show is about the REAL Madagascar.  A hollywood movie director is a guest on this taping of the show.  He’s a vegetarian.  And we see the reality of life in a country that cannot take electricity for granted, largely because the political system could not care less about the lives of its people.  And they work desperately through all kinds of “politically incorrect” ways to survive.  Not “I hate my ex” types of problems…. these are “how do I keep my children alive” types of problems.

You tell me your desire to create a hateful existence for your ex is a more deserving need than these kids eating.

 

I’m not going to pretend that my issues, as real and as valid as they truly are, and YOUR issues, as real and truly valid as they are, are less than those of the people of Madagascar… But they certainly provide some perspective.

 

All that said:  If you are an asshole/bitch who feels that it’s your job to make the life of your children’s other parent a living hell, I pray for lice to invade your bed and wild monkeys to eat your flesh.  You are not deserving of sharing in this world’s limited resources.  And your share should be given to children in Madagascgar who deserve it a helluva lot more than you.

 

And I would wager my law license that a loving God feels the same way as well.