From the FB Archives: April 16, 2013

Is it really about what we do with it?

Life is not perfect; I think we all know that.  I’ve had a rough couple of days.  I was up working until 11:00 last night (Yeah! E-filing! Damn YOU!!!! E-filing!!!)  I woke up with the knowledge that I had another full day, but at least my first “You must wear clothes and look presentable” appointment wasn’t until 11 a.m.  Before that, I got an email from a client thanking me profusely for the teeny tiny itty bitty thing I had done for him, and a phone call from an older lady who has called me no less than a dozen times in the past 3 months, thanking me for helping her.  I did precious little for her; I just answered the phone when she called.

This afternoon I had two new client consultations.  Not difficult stuff.  One may become a new client; one can probably handle things on her own.  The first one was distraught….Have ya’ll noticed I’m a big fat cry baby?  I try really hard not to cry with my clients, but damn it!  I suck at that…

I had other work that I did, work that pays, work that will hopefully protect my client from BigLaw’s nasty allegations come next Monday when I have to be in SLC at 9:00a.m. for a hearing.  I hope I did enough.  I hate responding to BigLaw’s filings.  They really suck.  But then there is this Woman, my client, with a child.  And I am again emotionally sucked into it without even wanting to be.

I have gotten better.  I don’t cry with all of them anymore.  I can pat their shoulders, squeeze a hand, and give them reassurance, while telling them what to expect.  I can walk away, relieved that they can’t afford a lawyer because I just KNOW they would turn into Super Needy client who runs out of money and becomes the most demanding at that point.

I had some personal distress this week as well.  And this morning, as I was sunk in the Lows of that, I had the Highs of my client and this old lady telling me that I am definitely OK.

It’s a weird place to live, my head….My therapist thinks I’m great.  He doesn’t have to deal with my neurosis….

carrying-too-much

Like the poor jackass pictured above, it’s possible I was carrying a little too much…

From the FB Archives: March 20, 2013

Law school was tough.  Like, if you just had to do law school, without adding to it trying to still pay my bills and see my kids and deal with the weather in Wyoming when driving, it would still suck.  So I hunted for inspiration.  This was something I found inspiring…

It’s not just about being a Man

I was hunting on my computer today for my address labels document/template (what exactly DID I name that thing anyway???) when I came across this poem by Rudyard Kipling that I’d found years ago and loved.

 

If

by Rudyard Kipling; 1865-1936

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thought your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same:

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings:

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a man, my son!

 

Kipling wrote this with respect to becoming a Man, but I would propose that one does not need testicles to Become the thing one would If he/she could do all of the things noted above.  This is about being a solid human being.  Hoping that I can become Kipling’s ideal “Man” someday.

file_000

My dad, his sister, and his brother…These are those who have become Kipling’s ideal “Man”.  May I be as much in my life.

From the FB Archives: January 20, 2012

*Note:  In this case it turned out that my client had probably screwed over the second ex wife while he was still competent…He more than likely got what he deserved when this was all said and done.  But when I knew him, he was just a nice, very confused, little old man.

little-old-man

Exemplar Little Old Man: not an actual photo of my client…

So in a way, being old and senile is good…

I went to Vernal, UT, today.  Not my favorite place in the world, but not my least favorite either.  I had a pre-trial hearing in a divorce case.  My client is in his 80’s.  He suffers from dementia; possibly Alzheimer’s, but no firm diagnosis on that.  We actually bifurcated this case back in November, after mediation, when the other side said they wanted to take everything my client had, I declined, and they determined they wanted a trial.  Whatever.  Point being, we agreed to split the case and have a divorce entered as to the parties at that time, and then work out the property settlement later.

My client was in the courtroom today.  He had no idea what was going on, but seemed very pleasant and un-bothered by the whole thing.  When we were done in the courtroom, we went out into the hall.  My client’s now ex-wife was out there.  When he saw her, his face lit up.  He went over to her, smiling, put his arm around her, and told her how lovely she looked.  She leaned her head on his chest and he kissed her forehead.  They chatted for a few minutes until his daughters ushered him away so that we could discuss what had happened and where we go from here.

I watched this little exchange between these people in their 80’s who should not have gotten divorced, and it made my heart hurt.  Ache, actually.  Had to really work on not crying for awhile on the way home.  And then I thought how very lucky my client is–he doesn’t know he’s divorced.  Hell, half the time he doesn’t remember ever marrying this woman (30 years ago) and confuses her in his mind with his first wife.

 

Maybe being senile can be a good thing…

UCCJEA: Jurisdiction part 2

Some time ago, in a different blog post, I mentioned the UCCJEA in terms of child custody jurisdiction.  UCCJEA stands for Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act.  This is a uniform law that was drafted at the federal level, in the interest of creating consistency among the states in regards to an issue that can cross state lines–custody of children and custody determinations of children.  All but one state (Massachusetts) have adopted the uniform law in substantially the form is was drafted originally.  In Utah, it’s located at Title 78B Chapter 13 of state code.  The whole point of the statute is to determine which state/jurisdiction has the right to exert its authority over individuals who are trying to enter court orders about custody of children.  One of the purposes is to make sure that a jurisdiction that would be most appropriate for the court case to happen is the one that is making it happen and enforcing the orders that come out of that case.

The basics:

A child must have been present in the state with intent to remain for at least 6 months prior to a custody action being started in that state.  If no custody orders have been entered as to these children ever, being in the state 6 months gives that state home state jurisdiction.  If a parent takes the kids and leaves a state that WOULD have had home state jurisdiction, the other parent can file in court for a custody determination in the state that WOULD have had home state jurisdiction.  In easier language:  If I live in Utah, and my spouse takes my kids and moves to Colorado, I can file for a divorce with custody in Utah any time within the first 6 months the kids are gone, because until they’ve been in Colorado for 6 months, Utah still has home state jurisdiction.  OR, if I’ve been living in Colorado, but take my kids and move to Arizona, and no action for custody determination is filed within 6 months in Colorado, I can file for custody in Arizona.  My kids being in Arizona for 6 months changes home state jurisdiction from Colorado to Arizona.

home-sweet-home

Not always so clear…

Sometimes a child may not have a home state.  In that case, a parent can file where he/she lives for a custody determination, so long as another case hasn’t been filed in the state where the child is currently located.  An example:

I had a case where parents were not and had never been married.  ORS in Utah had opened a child support case for the child, as both parents lived in Utah.  Both parents and the child lived in Utah for 5 years, with dad and his family having significant contact with and interaction with the child.  Mom then moved to Colorado with the child.  She had been in Colorado 11 months when she relocated  with the child to New Mexico.  Dad filed for a visitation order in Utah; by then, child had not lived in Utah in the previous 6 months; HOWEVER, the child technically did not have a home state at all, because she hadn’t been in New Mexico long enough for it to have home state jurisdiction (she’d only been there a couple of weeks).

Colorado would have been the home state, but because neither parent nor the child lived there, and no action had been filed in Colorado, it wasn’t an appropriate state to make a custody determination.  We had a hearing regarding jurisdiction in this case.  The court found in favor of my client, since there were not competing court cases involved (mom hadn’t filed in NM), dad was located in Utah with the intent to remain, and the child had significant connections in the state of Utah.  The Utah court had the right to, and was inclined to, take jurisdiction over the custody determination of this child.

Notice I said the court in Utah “was inclined to” take jurisdiction in that case.  A court CAN decline jurisdiction if it feels that it’s not appropriate to take jurisdiction–like if neither parent lives in that state anymore, but it would still be the home state. Example:  I live in North Dakota.  I move with my kids to Idaho; dad of kids also moves to Idaho.  After being in Idaho long enough for me to file for divorce–which is 60 days–I file for divorce.  Technically Idaho isn’t the home state, and wouldn’t have jurisdiction to make the custody determination.  But none of us, meaning neither parent nor the kids, live in North Dakota anymore.  So ND would likely decline to take jurisdiction, choosing instead to allow Idaho to handle the case, since Idaho is a more appropriate jurisdiction to determine best interests of the kids, etc.

Some cases are fairly cut and dried, like the ones I noted above.  Others….”ees grey area.”  What if the parents were both located in, say, Oregon when they got divorced, but since that time, both parents have moved to other states.  Could the non-custodial parent change the jurisdiction of custody to his state?  Sure.  So long as the custodial parent doesn’t challenge that action, or file her own action in the state that WOULD have home state jurisdiction.  Will it hold up under court scrutiny?  Maybe, maybe not.  The arguments exist to both support it and deny it.  A lot of it comes down to the inclinations of the court, and whether another state has been asked to take jurisdiction over child custody.  And whether Oregon, in this example, will relinquish its right to continuing jurisdiction. Lots of “ifs,” thus “grey area.”

'It's only a gray area if you've got a good lawyer.'

Maybe 😉

Clear as mud?  If you’ve got questions, feel free to message me, and hopefully I can clear that mud to at least dirty water ;).

 

….and it’s the holidays. Again.

christmas-over

My mom, dad, sisters, and I have an ongoing conversation via text message that my brother in law dubbed the “Tatter.”  Back just after Halloween I was bemoaning on the Tatter how Walmart already had Christmas stuff up and how much I hated it.  The response was quick– “I love it!”  “I can’t wait to get on with Christmas!”  And then there was me, Queen Grinch herself, grinching about how Christmas is depressing, wears me out, and that I generally can’t stand it.  Bah Humbug.

My mom commented that I just need to focus on the Reason for the Season, the birth of Christ.  And that part I’m totally ok with…It’s just all the Pressure.  The stress, the expectations I cannot and never do meet, the crowds and traffic and noise and PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.  The Reason gets drowned out in all the madness.

Then there’s the inevitable Dealing With The Other Parent.  As I’ve said, my situation with that is generally no problem at all, it’s the Other one that we have to deal with.  There’s always Trauma Drama in that department, and the anxiety in thinking about it just puts me into a panic.

I have generalized anxiety disorder.  And panic disorder.  And major depressive disorder, and dysthmia (having symptoms of depression for 2 years or longer).  I’m on medication to address the more pronounced symptoms of all this Crazy, because I still have to function.  Some days are worse; some days are better.  But Christmas….UGH.

Maybe in another post I’ll go into what it means to have a brain that wants to kill me, but for today, I’m tired, I’ve been on the verge of tears all day for no reason, I have the shakes, and I’ve had pain in my chest now since Monday with Christmas looming and an empty bank account.  So please do forgive the Bah Humbug.  I’m working on it.

Something Utah got WAAAY Right: A Family Law Help

So I’ve mentioned before that while I think family law is a disaster in Utah, the Utah state statutes for child custody and parent time are fan-frigging-tastic.  I have recommended the use of them to many other people who are in other jurisdictions, just because they’re so orderly, specific, and DETAILED.  And the holiday division makes life SOOOO much nicer for everybody involved during all of the holidays.  However, there are those who are getting static because the other party is saying something like “we’re not in Utah, and I don’t have to follow Utah law, so suck it!”

With that in mind, I provide for you here, for your copying and pasting pleasure, the basic, general rundown of parent time in Utah for kids ages 5 and up, without all the statute formatting that you’d get otherwise.  That way it really DOES just look like a great parent time plan.  And if this isn’t exactly perfect for you in your situation, no worries…At least you’ve got someplace to start from.  I have even just used the holiday division in my cases where the parents have joint physical custody, because it just makes planning so much simpler.

S0 best of luck… and may your co-parenting be peaceful.

Parent time/Over 5 years:

One weekday evening, non-custodial parent chooses, from 5:30-8:30p.m., or from the time school is out until 8:30 p.m.  If the non-custodial parent does NOT choose a day, default day is Wednesday.  If the non-custodial parent chooses a different day, then THAT day is THE day—no switching around without okaying it with the custodial parent. (When school is NOT in session, if the non-custodial parent is available, that mid-week visit can go from 9 a.m. until 8:30 p.m.)

Every other weekend, beginning Friday at 6p.m. until Sunday at 7p.m.  OR if the non-custodial parent is available, from the time school gets out on Friday until Sunday at 7.  When school is NOT in session, the non-custodial parent can have the child for the weekend beginning at 9a.m. on Friday, if he is available to be with the child personally.

A step-parent, grandparent, or other responsible adult designated by the non-custodial parent may pick up the child for visitation, so long as the non-custodial parent will be with the child no later than 7p.m. (assuming a 5:30p.m. pickup time).  The non-custodial parent MUST inform the custodial of who will be coming to pick up the child if not the parent.

Holidays:  The non-custodial parent will have the child for holidays as described below.  The custodial parent will have the child on the opposite schedule.

ODD YEARS EVEN YEARS
Child’s birthday on day BEFORE or AFTER, 3pm to 9pm Child’s birthday ON THE DAY OF the birthday, 3pm to 9pm
MLK Day weekend, from Friday 6pm-Monday 7pm President’s Day weekend, from Friday 6pm-Monday 7pm
Spring Break 6pm the day school lets out to 7pm the day before school resumes Memorial Day weekend, from Friday 6pm-Monday 7pm
July 4 beginning 6pm the day BEFORE the holiday until 6pm on the day AFTER the holiday Pioneer Day beginning 6pm the day BEFORE the holiday to 6 pm the day AFTER the holiday
Labor Day weekend from 6pm Friday to 7pm Monday Columbus Day from 6pm the day BEFORE the holiday until 7pm ON the holiday
Fall School break (if applicable) from day school is out at 6pm until day before school starts again at 7pm Halloween on the day it’s celebrated (if not on the 31st) from after school until 9pm, or if NOT a school day, from 4pm until 9pm
Veteran’s Day from 6pm day BEFORE the holiday until 7pm ON the holiday Thanksgiving holiday from Wednesday at 7pm until Sunday at 7pm
The first half of the Christmas school holiday from the 6pm the day school gets out until 1pm on the day halfway through the holiday period if there are an EVEN number of days in the vacation, or until 7pm if there are an ODD number of days The second half of the Christmas school holiday from time indicated in ODD years description until 6pm on the day before school resumes—the point being to equally divide the holiday between both parents
   

Father’s Day always with Dad, Mother’s Day always with Mom, from 9a.m. to 7pm of the holiday for each parent.

Summer extended parent time—4 weeks total for non-custodial parent, 2 weeks of which is uninterrupted parent time.  (During the “interrupted” time, the custodial parent gets a mid-week visit as described above.)

Custodial parent also has 2 weeks uninterrupted parent time, when non-custodial does not have weekends or midweek visits.

**For children under 5:  The only difference is in the extended parent time in the summer. 

18mos-3 years: 2 one-week periods, separated by 4 weeks, at the option of the non-custodial parent, one of which is uninterrupted. (custodial parent has 1 week uninterrupted as well)

3yrs-5yrs:  2 two-week periods, separated by at least 4 weeks, at the option of the non-custodial parent.  1 two week period is uninterrupted. (custodial parent has 1 week uninterrupted as well.)

starting-line

Gotta start somewhere…

From the FB Archives: November 17, 2010

*I love this one.  From a very long time ago.  My brother continues to struggle, but this is what’s inside him…even if he can’t see it right now.  And I believe he can come back to this; but then, I’m biased, because I love the guy to death.

17 November 2010

Bit of a Rant 🙂

I was going through one of my saved emails folders tonight and came across this gem.  It was a response from my brother to an “I Voted Democrat because…(fill in the blank)” type email that I’d forwarded to him.  To give you some background:  My brother barely graduated from high school, and is a felon in Idaho because they have a “3 DUI’s equals a felony law”, and his “first” DUI was a prosecutor’s Good Idea for a plea bargain when he was a teenager (I’m thinkin’ 15 years old, but I could be wrong on the exact age), instead of a minor possession charge. (Incidentally, I’d like to find the prosecutor and punch him in the throat for THAT bit of grossly horrible legal advice).

My brother’s thoughts on the Economy, American Ingenuity, Etc.:

“I believe this is the way it is suppose to be. Our freedom to think is being stripped away by seat belt warning chimes, metaphorically speaking. The opportunity to surrender our minds is readily available and most people will. I believe this will lead to the downfall of society, but lets not think of it as an end but a new beginning, for when society falls natural selection can once again cleanse the gene pool of those who would blow dry their hair in the shower if the tag didn’t tell them not to. I don’t think I’ve heard of a single great thing this nation has accomplished by playing it safe (Franklin, key, kite, lightning… I rest). Necessity is the mother of invention and if our greatest necessity is how we can change the DVD without leaving the couch, then by God we will find a way. By adopting this safety first mentality we are allowing trillions of tax payer dollars to be sent into the private sector to save businesses that should have gone the way of the dinosaur due to their failure to adapt, and why? To save jobs? Stabilize the economy? It looks to me like the economy was stabilizing itself. Natural selection. And to those who would lose their jobs, why would they be too incompetent to survive? The field they specialized in would have new openings for business owners who could provide jobs for others. These monster companies started that way: Americans with a dream and the balls to do something about it. Well, I have balls and I’m not afraid to let ’em hang out from time to time, and I believe there are still others out there that have balls; I’ve seen them from time to time. The state of our country is wonderful for those who are still able to say, “Hey, lightnin’ storm comin’. Better get my key and kite.”  These are exciting times we live in. Everyone doesn’t have to believe the same thing. Some things are true whether you believe them or not. Just a little rant…”

I’m gonna add a Hear, Hear to this, even though I may be coming Damned close to being “de-selected”.  But then I’m a raging Libertarian :).

ingenuity

 

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