Parenting After Divorce (AND during marriage!)

Today I read an Opinion piece in the New York Times, and it’s so good, I think it deserves a spot in my blog for ya’ll to read. This article is just about parenting after divorce, but gives some insight into How NOT to Get Divorced. I particularly encourage all those who have an iron grip on what they believe their “rights” are with custody. You might be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

It's the End of the World As We Know It…

*Updates to the courts procedure while we’re going through this COVID-19 thing can be found at this link, which is to the Utah Courts webpage for updates.

Ok, so not really. It IS the end of the world as we know it for at least a few weeks to months. I’m avoiding Facebook, etc., myself, because I had been before (depression + Facebook=kill me now, most of the time) but it’s even worse now. My family is basically prepared. When the store shelves cleared immediately of toilet paper and water, I had a dozen and a half or so rolls, and kept wondering who these weird people were who thought a pandemic was the equivalent of an earthquake, and that our city water would suddenly become contaminated and undrinkable.

That’s not how pandemics work, ya’ll. That’s how earthquakes work (which as a sidenote, actually happened this morning early in the Salt Lake Valley, so maybe those folks are glad they bought up all the water…more about THAT here.).

Anyway. The beauty of my job is that I really CAN do it anywhere there’s an internet connection, and on Monday, I dragged my desktop home from my day job, and got myself set up to work from home for the next few weeks. I love working from home. As an anxious depressive, getting out of bed in the morning is excruciating, especially knowing I’ll have to, like, put on pants and makeup and not look like a slob and stuff. These past couple of days, I have literally dragged myself out of bed, put on my bathrobe, and sat down at my computer at 8am. No makeup required. No pants required. That’s straight up perfection, my friends.

Feels like straight up Magic, actually...

It’s also really fantastic that most of us really DO have technology literally at our fingertips that allows for all kinds of communication without having to be WITH anyone. My smartphone has face to face calling (Facetime because it’s an Apple, but Skype and Facebook Messenger do the same thing). I can text if I don’t feel like talking. I can receive and send email from my phone as well. And so can 95% of the world’s population (that’s totally a guess. I have no data to support that percentage.)

The population that I’M speaking to now, though, you folks in Utah, you who are scared or confused about the legal system, who are afraid to leave your homes, but afraid to not be able to leave your homes, I’m still here for you. I’ve been doing a lot of family law legal consulting. For those who would qualify for CAPSA’s services, I do it for free. For those of you who actually CAN pay some legal fees, I charge $75/hr, which I can take through Venmo or Paypal or Square on a credit card. You CAN still talk to a lawyer–I can Facetime/etc with you. Or you can email.

The point here is this: Don’t feel like you’re stuck in a situation that you don’t want to be in because you don’t have access to any legal counsel. I’m available virtually by appointment (which you can make by emailing me–see my About tab at the top of this page). Or you can just email if you have a specific question. A lot of your FAQ’s are already answered on my blog here…just go to the “search” box at the top right of the page, and type in a keyword you need info on, and everything I’ve written about that topic will come up. Hell, if push came to shove, the courts are still open, and I can e-file any case documents for a legal case I’m working on, without having to leave my home office. (I actually HAVE completed entire cases without ever traveling to a courthouse.)

So keep that in mind. Don’t panic. It may be the End of the World as We Know It, but You Can Still Feel Fine ;).

For your listening pleasure…Never lose your sense of humor, folks 😉

Back to School!

Who are YOU hoping not to get in a fight with??

I’ve been divorced over 14 years now. My baby was 2 when I stopped living with him; my ex moved away from where I’d lived with my kids, into different school boundaries, 3 or 4 years later. My children went from going to schools where the staff knew me, and knew who I was, to schools that didn’t know my ex was even divorced.

What difference does that make anyway? Well, for starters, there are all these forms that parents fill out at our annual school registrations/Back to School nights, or when they register kids in a new school for the first time. Included in the information a parent provides is the name/identity of both parents. Divorced parents typically have to provide evidence that they have physical custody of kids, and that the parent is entitled to enroll the kids in that school.

But what if the district doesn’t KNOW the parents are divorced? What if the custodial parent represents to the school that a step parent is a legal guardian/legal parent/The Mom (specifically in our culture with how we give kids dad’s last name), and doesn’t mention the other legal parent at all? The school likely will not know that there IS another parent who is entitled to information about the kids, or to pick the kids up at school, or Any of That.

Tell me junior high isn’t awkward enough already...

Let me just tell you right now, up front, before school registration stuff has happened, how to avoid a fight and be a Decent Human who co-parents appropriately:

1. Do not list your new spouse as the other Parent on the registration forms. Unless your new spouse has legally adopted your children, they are NOT a legal “parent” such that they are entitled to be listed as a Parent. They can be listed as an emergency contact, as an Other individual who can get information about the kids, but they are not the Parent.
   
   To break that down into super-understandable language: “Mom” on the form is the Mom who was the Mom listed in the divorce; “Dad” on the form is the Dad who was the Dad listed in the divorce. That’s who you put in those spaces on the registration form. Period.
   
   This is ESPECIALLY true if the other parent has joint legal custody of your child(ren). “Joint legal custody” means that even if the kids don’t live full time with that parent, that parent is STILL a legal guardian, entitled to information about the kids from the school, the doctor, the church, whatever, without having to go through you.
   
   
2. As the super intuitive follow up to #1, DO list your ex spouse as the other Parent on the form when you’re filling it out. Put their name, address, email, phone number, all of it. This way the school is aware of who they are, and can provide that parent information directly (in the case of shared legal custody), rather than going through you, when asked for it.
   
   
3. Provide the school with a copy of your custody order that shows who has legal and physical custody of your kids.
   
   
4. If you have sole legal AND physical custody of your children, STILL put the other parent in the “dad” or “mom” spot on the form, but make note that the other parent is not entitled to info, etc., without your permission… and provide a copy of your custody Order to back up that assertion. You can then put the step parent in the space of Other contact, as someone who can pick up the kids at school, get info from the school, etc., on your behalf. You are doing this because even if you have sole legal custody of your kids, your new spouse is NOT a legal guardian of those children. You can delegate these types of parenting duties, depending on your state/jurisdiction, but simply marrying a Dad doesn’t make you The Mom, and vice versa.

And there you have it–how to be a Good Co-Parent, and not get in a fight on the first day of school (or after, when it’s found out that you did something creepy, mean, and underhanded to your ex, that’s NOT in the best interest of your kids).

If you are the non-custodial (or less than sole custodian) of your kids, and if your ex is a SHITTY co-parent, and refuses to provide the school with your name and status as a parent, this is what can be done to remedy the situation:

1. Go to the school office during school hours. Ask to speak with the principal or a school counselor. (Pro-tip: Call ahead and make an appointment so they’ll be there, ready to talk to you, when you show up.)
   
   
2. You will bring with you: A copy of your court-signed custody order showing you have joint custody of some sort; your drivers license; your children’s birth certificates; AND if you’ve changed your name, you should also bring a copy of YOUR birth certificate, AND a certified copy of your court order for your legal name change.
   
   
3. Explain to the principal or counselor that you are a legal guardian of your children, and request that they provide information to you as needed to help you support and parent your children. You’ll provide them with copies of all the documents you brought so they can keep those in the kid’s file(s) at school and know going forward how your situation works.

Repeat this process at every school any of your children attend–the elementary, the junior high/middle school, the high school. The schools don’t necessarily communicate amongst themselves, even in the same school district, and as long as you’ve already got everything collected in one place for the process (and probably already took time off work, etc), you might as well get it done all at once. Besides that, then the school administrators have met you in person, they know you’re on the up and up, and they will be more likely to help you help your kids in the future.

And this is the part where I IMPLORE PARENTS TO BE GOOD CO-PARENTS AND NOT JERK AROUND THE OTHER PARENT JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A JERK. My kids have had a stepmother for 14 of the 14 1/2 years I’ve been divorced. I totally get how the dynamics of a blended family work, and how divorced parents interact. Your children are better off with ALL of their parents–legal and step–working together. Don’t cut out the other legal parent for the sake of your own ego, or because you don’t think they’re important. They are… Just ask your kids.

Let’s not make it anymore traumatic than it has to be, mmkay?

Life Insurance in Divorce Actions

In my time as a family law lawyer, I saw a lot of divorce petitions that requested my client (usually the husband) carry a life insurance policy for the benefit of opposing party after the divorce.  I hate those clauses myself.  I think once you’re divorced, you’re Not Married, and therefore neither party should be required to support an ex-spouse after they die.  Hard pass.  But that doesn’t mean that people remember to change the beneficiary on their life insurance policy after a divorce is finalized, so…..what then?  Wouldn’t that end up giving the ex-spouse the benefit of the policy after the parties aren’t married anymore?

In Utah, that’s a No.  With an Unless….

At UCA 75-2-804(2), which is part of the Utah probate code, it says that “[e]xcept as provided by the express terms of a governing instrument, a court order, or a contract relating to the division of the marital estate made between the divorced individuals before or after the marriage, divorce, or annulment, the divorce or annulment of a marriage,” the spouse as beneficiary is automatically dropped when the divorce is final. (emphasis added) That language in quotes up there is the actual statutory language.  What it means is that it has to be expressly stated that the ex spouse will remain the beneficiary, either in a “governing instrument”–part of the life insurance policy, either in the policy itself or in a document referred to by the policy–or in a court order.  If not, the ex is automatically dropped as a beneficiary in the event of a divorce.

There have been a couple of Utah appellate court cases that have addressed what all that means.  The first one, which was decided in 2012, is Malloy v. Malloy, 283 P.3d 597 (UT App 2012).  In Malloy, the fight was between a former Mrs. Malloy and a more recent Mrs. Malloy, Mary Beth and Rhonda, respectively.  Mary Beth and Dan Malloy had been married first.  Dan got a life insurance policy through the Federal Employees Group Life Insurance (FEGLI).  He named Mary Beth as the beneficiary on it.  They got divorced, and Dan married Rhonda.

Dan never changed his beneficiary on his FEGLI policy.  Dan then dies.  Mary Beth was sent his death benefit through his life insurance policy.  Rhonda sued Mary Beth, saying she was the wife when Dan died, and she should get the proceeds from his life insurance.  Mary Beth won.  The court explained why.  The FEGLI policy, in a document that was referred to and incorporated in the policy itself, said specifically that divorce would NOT automatically drop the beneficiary (ex) spouse from getting the death benefit; that the policy holder had to make the change themselves on purpose.  The court said that constituted “express terms” under the UCA 75-2-804.  Ex-wife therefore got the death benefit, because Dan hadn’t specifically made the change before he died.

Your dead ex, reaching out from the grave…

Fast forward 5 years, to 2017, and the next time this issue came up in the Utah appellate court.  This time it was the Utah Supreme Court that addressed the issue, in a case called Hertzske v. Snyder, 390 P.3d 307 (UT 2017).  In this case, Snyder was the (now) ex-wife.  She married Edward Hertzske, father of the Plaintiff, Tyler Hertzske.  While life was good between Snyder and Hertzske Sr., Hertzske Sr. took out a life insurance policy on himself for $500,000 and made Snyder the beneficiary, with Tyler listed as the contingent beneficiary.  Later on Snyder and Hertzske Sr. divorced.  Hertzske Sr. apparently didn’t like Snyder At All at that point.  He even changed his will saying he wanted to disinherit her in any and all ways possible, but he never changed the beneficiary on his life insurance policy.  Hertzske Sr. subsequently died.

The lawsuit was over who got the $500k from the life insurance policy–Snyder or Tyler.  The divorce didn’t address the life insurance policy at all; and the policy language was kind of vague about how beneficiaries are changed–it didn’t say anything about how or if a divorce would change the beneficiary.  Definitely nothing “express” as required by Utah law.

The court said that it was necessary to interpret how UCA 75-2-804 interacted with UCA 30-3-5(1)(e), which is part of the divorce code.  We already looked at what 75- says, above.  UCA 30-3-5(1)(e) says that the court “shall” include language in the divorce decree “if either party owns a life insurance policy or an annuity contract, an acknowledgment by the court that the owner: has reviewed and updated, where appropriate, the list of beneficiaries; has affirmed that those listed as beneficiaries are in fact the intended beneficiaries after the divorce becomes final; and understands that if no changes are made to the policy or contract, the beneficiaries currently listed will receive any funds paid by the insurance company under the terms of the policy or contract.”

The upshot was that the court concluded that if a person wanted their ex-spouse to still be the beneficiary on a life insurance policy after the divorce was final, that the language in UCA 30-3-5(1)(e) HAD to be included in the divorce.  End of story.  And if it’s not, then UCA 75-2-804 applies.  Because if there was some other way of interpreting it, then the legislature would have created statute that was unnecessary, and they don’t do that.

The court said that since Snyder and Hertzske Sr.’s divorce didn’t have the statutory language from UCA 30-3-5(1)(3), Snyder, the ex-wife, didn’t get the $500k.  And since Tyler was the next in line for it under the life insurance policy as the contingent beneficiary, he should receive his father’s life insurance payout. (Which honestly only seems right.)

The moral of the story, then, is this:  In Utah, unless it is expressly stated with the language from the divorce code in the divorce decree itself, OR the life insurance policy says expressly that the beneficiary will NOT change after a divorce automatically, exes are automatically bumped from being beneficiaries on the others’ life insurance policies when a divorce is final.

Now you know.

Change…Can be Good (but is it?)

Where the lawmaking magic happens in Utah…

Utah’s legislature is looking into a bill to change some of the wording/organization of the child custody determination factors in statute.  You can view the wording of the bill here.  Take a look at the changes.  If you’ve got issues with it, contact your representative.  OR if you think it’s great, that would be something to contact your legislator about as well.

Something to note:  The language about not favoring a parent based on their gender is still in the proposed language…they just relocated it further down in the text.  Some changes proposed in the bill are just reorganizing/re-numbering/condensing language from other statutes.

Anything that is underlined is new; text lined through is what would be removed in the new version.  Text not underlined OR lined through is existing text that isn’t being considered for change.

I’d be interested to hear what you think of it.  Leave me some feedback in the comments.

From the Archives: FB Notes September 25, 2012

*It’s always odd to look back to the same dates from years ago…Some things have gotten easier; some, not so much.  My number of moves since my divorce is up to 15… but hopefully I’m where I’ll stay for at least the next 5 years or so.

Wouldn’t Want To Get Too Comfortable…

In the first year I was divorced, I moved 3 times and held 3 different jobs (2 at the same time, then a new job altogether).  Not trying to be flaky, just trying to hold it together financially, so that I wasn’t always being strangled, get into housing that worked with my kids (when I had them), and trying to work my work so I could still see my kids ever.  In the second year, I moved twice and worked a regular job, a bunch of temp jobs, and finally a regular job again.  In the third year, I moved again, this time to Laramie to law school.  I moved back to my parents that next summer, then into a different place in Laramie in the fall; to Yellowstone the next summer, then back in the fall; to Utah and in with friends while I studied for/took the bar exam the next summer, then to my aunt’s after that, then to the house I’m in now.

 

All told, I moved 13 times in the first 5 years after my divorce.  I worked at least that many different jobs, and drove nearly 200,000 miles so that I could see my kids on a regular basis through all this.  Since moving back to Utah in 2010,  I’ve worked for 5 different law firms/attorneys…some with better luck than others.  My most recent, Feller & Wendt, was really great.  And then it was really stressful.  And then they cut me loose.

 

That was a week ago.  Today I went into the office to do the whole “wrap up” thing with business with them.  They are truly leaving me better than they found me.  They cut me loose because they don’t want to do domestic law AT ALL, not even in their peripherals, so I am taking all but the most horrible of the domestic cases (less than a half dozen) lock, stock and barrel–all monies due and owing to date become mine, and all monies earned going forward are mine.  100%.  Which is a helluva deal.  But they wanted me to lease my office from them for more than I can afford, and it’s 15 minutes away from the courthouse, and 20 minutes from my house, and all in the wrong direction from the locations of all of my out-of-valley cases (better than half of them).  Not really worth it to pay more than I can afford for space that doesn’t really work for me.

 

So I’m taking my practice back home.  Which is good and bad.  Good because I go back to being able to work in my jammies ;).  Bad because I am ALWAYS at work, and I have no place to bring clients or meet new consultations.  I have to do my own billing/accounting, etc., again, which I hate.  And I am again alone.  No one to commiserate with/to, no one to bounce ideas off of.  I hate that too.

 

What I LOVE is the autonomy.  No one breathing down my neck.  No one telling me when I have to be in the office.  I have other obligations in life that are NOT work related, that are really more important, and now I can be, again, more available to those people who matter most to me:  My boys.  But still;  I only lasted 9 months.  It’s extremely disappointing.  I was so looking forward to being a Real Lawyer, in a Real Firm, for a Really Long Time.  It seems in my life, nothing stays the same for longer than a few months.  Which is why I say it’s a good thing I am so damn flexible.

 

This, but without the smiling…

I’m gonna cry about this for a little while, because I’m so tired and so not wanting to move my office/make another major transition on top of **The Face issues, but whaddaya gonna do? Suck it up and move on, that’s what.

 

Finally, a quote I saw on a mug several years ago (and ended up buying):  “Just when the caterpillar thought it was the end of the world, it turned into a butterfly.” (anonymous)  Am I a butterfly yet???

**“The Face” issues–I got a staph infection in my face, which turned into a nightmare, all at the same time as this was happening.

From the FB Archives–November 1, 2012

*Another one from the archives…More about how a Nice Girl Like Me Ended up Being a Lawyer, and what happened next…

1 November 2012 ·

What I do for a living…

I’m exhausted today.  I practice family law, and to me that means that I am meeting people who are in one of the worst times of their lives, and doing what I can to comfort, advocate for, and provide a dose of reality to, my clients.  I see myself almost as a Mother to these grown people, who are not related to me.  Probably not good for my mental health.  The Dalai Lama has a book about loving others, and he advises thinking of yourself as the Other’s mother in terms of how you feel toward them.  While I don’t think he meant that I should make myself crazy by “mothering” my clients, there is wisdom in having that attitude about those we come in contact with daily.

I had been thinking about this Mothering thing I do, and how I really need to NOT do that, today especially, because I am so very tired.  I have problem solved, comforted, hand held, buoyed up, and advocated today, and it’s wearing the hell out of me.  At 3p.m. I was thinking it was time to curl up on the floor and let all of the Others’ problems sort themselves out.  I shouldn’t do this.  I shouldn’t take all this on myself.  I shouldn’t.  And what if I didn’t?

Edgar A. Guest wrote a lot of poems that are viewed by many to be trite, or cliche, but there is this one….It’s called Myself:

Myself

by Edgar A. Guest

I have to live with myself and so

I want to be fit for myself to know,

I want to be able as days go by,

To look at myself straight in the eye.

I don’t want to stand with the setting sun

And hate myself for the things I’ve done.

 

I don’t want to hide on a closet shelf

A lot of secrets about myself,

And fool myself as I come and go

Into thinking that nobody else will know

What kind of man I really am;

I don’t want to dress myself in sham.

 

I want to go with my head erect,

I want to deserve all men’s respect

And in this struggle for fame and pelf

I want to be able to like myself.

I don’t want to look at myself and know

That I am a bluster and empty show.

 

I cannot hide myself from me;

I can see what others can never see;

I know what others can never know,

I cannot fool myself, and so

Whatever happens, I want to be

Self-respecting and conscience free.

 

I had a client, at the end of a very long and stressful mediation, who snapped at opposing counsel, “How do you sleep at night??”  The attorney looked at her and without a break said, “The same way your attorney sleeps at night.”  She looked at me, and I looked at her, and I said, “Sleeping pills.”  The brain won’t shut down and leave these clients alone at night, when they are not paying me to worry about them….

So until I find out a way to separate myself from my clients and STILL respect myself, I will continue, on what may be a self-destructive path, for the sake of liking myself.

If you don’t like who you see, might be a good time to change it…

May 8, 2013–from the FB archives

*Another from the archives…

It really is the little things

I got this email today, from a woman I’ve never met….Subject line said “Thank you”

“Found your blog this evening, as I was searching for the garnishment limits for ORS.  Really appreciate the article on what has ORS done for you lately.  In February, got a judgment signed for almost $6000 in back child support, child care and medical expenses, am researching why ORS only increased the ex’s garnishment by $100/month (over and above child support of $455), when he makes around $4000+/month.  Guessing he somehow has them not considering his commission pay, which is the bulk of the income, since it is a commission job with the security of a small base.

Anyway, I am enjoying the other articles on your blog as well.  Thank you for getting it, for completely getting it!!  Thank you for the reminders of different ways to approach things with the ex.  Your writing style is wonderful!

Just thank you, needed this little bit of support just now,

(signed….)”

It’s been a really tough month.  I have honestly and seriously looked at NOT doing this thing I do.  And then I get little bits like this out of the blue, and I have to sit back, take a deep breath, and remember that I CAN do good, that I DO make a difference to people, and I AM worthwhile and useful.

And I do hope that it doesn’t always hurt so much to be Useful.

…even for lawyers 😉

The Happy Childhood After Divorce: Myth or Reality?

I got divorced a very long time ago…11 years this past March, actually.  The State of Utah had instituted at some time prior the requirement that parents who are divorcing take a divorce orientation and parenting in divorce class.  They’re technically 2 classes, but they teach them one after the other in a 3 hour block.  My divorce was extremely traumatic for me, but I remember that class being a bright spot.  Not because I actually REMEMBER any of it, just what the takeaway was for me:  My kids did not have to end up being a statistic.  They could turn out just fine, being totally well-adjusted, even though their dad and I were no longer married.

The classes started out with the terrifying statistics about how kids of divorce have a higher chance of being drug addicts, having poor self-esteem, acting out, getting poor grades, and on and on and on.  The parade of horrors of kids in divorce, if you will.  But then the kicker–what can I do as a parent to keep this from happening?

If you google this, you’re going to find a number of great articles.  I’m pulling my information from this Psychology Today website article, by Wendy Paris.  First off, what children need to thrive:

• Children do well when they have good relationships with both parents or primary caregivers, adults who basically get along.  But those parents don’t need to be married or living in the same house.
• Children benefit from emotionally stable parents—adults who are recuperated enough, in the case of divorce, to focus on the basic job of parenting, including establishing stability, exercising fair discipline, providing love and being emotionally responsive.  But those parents need not be married or living in the same house.
• Children need adequate resources such as food, safe housing, and social support.  But they don’t need a mansion with every toy available, and those resources can be provided by parents who are not married or living in the same house.

Ms. Paris’ info comes from a 20 year study done regarding children of divorce, that was conducted by child development expert and Cambridge University professor Michael Lamb.  Solid data, not just Wishes and Dreams.  So what can you do to make sure that your kids are in the 80% of divorced kids who turn out just fine (and yes, that actually is the number–more are fine than not)?  Back to Ms. Paris’ advice:

 

Co-parenting.  It’s not a competition between two homes. It’s a collaboration of the parents doing what’s best for the kids.  –Heather Hetchler, www.cafesmom.com

 

Five Principles for Positive Co-Parenting:

1. Because we know that high conflict between the parents is one of the most damaging experiences for children, we can foster cooperation with our co-parent, and work to squash conflict.
2. Because we know that children benefit from stability, we can focus on establishing new routines that work in our newly structured lives.
3. Without a spouse around to blame for, well, everything, we can let divorce challenge us to be a better, more focused parent and to bring our personal strengths to our child-rearing.  We also can look for ways that the very characteristics of our ex that annoyed us in marriage (“He’s such a neat freak!” or “All she cares about is hiking!”) may benefit our children; how great to have one parent who likes the outdoors.
4. We can create positive moments for our children that have nothing to do with the state of their parents’ love life. We can foster engagement in outside activities and with other supportive adults.
5. Because we understand that being emotionally present for our children rests on our own recuperation, we can prioritize taking care of the care-givers, ourselves.

This requires two parents who are actually willing to put aside their own pettiness and hatefulness for the Other.  If 80% of kids turn out all right, there must be a LOT of parents who are capable of doing this.  Which means YOU CAN TOO.

In my practice of law, I pretty much only dealt with the ones who were at each other’s throats; they were either deeply entrenched in their own desires in the divorce, or they were trying to enforce the decree they already had in place.  I really wanted to write something positive in my blog today, and after my experiences with other people’s divorces, my own in the very early stages, and my husband’s, I needed a break from conflict.  And ya know what?  There’s a lot of good out there that can be reality in a family with divorced parents.  It can be a reality in your life as well…  Happily Ever After, in real life, without the ideal.

That’s something to smile about :).

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fsherryischerry%2Fvideos%2Fvb.100001002740529%2F984276941615721%2F%3Ftype%3D3&show_text=0&width=400

(If you haven’t seen this video of a little child named Tiana discussing co-parenting with her mother, you really ought to…and a little child shall lead them…)

 

Privacy Issues in Domestic Cases…Who’s Seeing What?

Balancing judicial efficiency with your privacy…

When you think about it, a domestic law court case has a LOT of personal information in it.  Tax returns or paystubs to support a child support calculation.  Full names of people.  Their addresses and phone numbers (if they’re representing themselves).  The kids’ names.  Social security numbers.  All of this stuff could be used in identity theft or to commit fraud.  So how is this info protected?

In Utah families cases, as of April 2012, ALL of the documents with the exception of orders (like temporary orders, the final order/decree, etc) are considered private.  The rule regarding this is in the Utah Code of Judicial Administration.  Down starting at Rule 4-202.01 it starts talking about records classifications (private, public, or sealed) and who has access to them. Private records can only be given to people who were either a person involved as a party in the case or their current attorney, essentially.  So as soon as your family law case is filed is classed as private record.

Except orders, including the final order.  I can go online and pull up ANY final order in ANY Utah family case I want at ANY time.  Or I could go into the court house and submit a request to the court clerk.  This is where keeping information sufficiently vague is important for that whole protection from fraud thing.  So this is how you should put information into a document, if you MUST, that will protect it from fraudsters:

Rule 4-202.09 Miscellaneous 

(9)(C) If the following non-public information is required in a public record, only the designated information shall be included:

(9)(C)(i) social security number: last four digits;

(9)(C)(ii) financial or other account number: last four digits;

(9)(C)(iii) driver’s license number: state of issuance and last four digits;

(9)(C)(iv) address of a non-party: city, state and zip code;

(9)(C)(v) email address or phone number of a non-party: omit; and

(9)(C)(vi) minor’s name: initials.

In domestic cases, truly, for the sake of maintaining the kids’ privacy in the publicly accessible final decree, use your kids’ initials to refer to them.  Some lawyers don’t do that.  You make sure that YOUR lawyer does, or that you do it yourself.  Also–DO NOT FILE PRIVATE INFORMATION AS AN ATTACHMENT TO YOUR PUBLICLY ACCESSIBLE ORDER.  For example, information you have to supply in the Required Child Support Location Information form is highly sensitive–Drivers license numbers, social security numbers of the parties AND the kids, birthdates, addresses, addresses of employers…Not stuff you want floating around the internet. File that as a separate document, not as an attachment or an exhibit to the final Order.

Just things to remember.  Your case IS private.  But just make sure you’re not throwing a lot of info out there willy-nilly that will turn up in the publicly available final order…No need to let it all hang out, folks.

…because letting it all hang out probably isn’t something you wanna do..