It's the End of the World As We Know It…

*Updates to the courts procedure while we’re going through this COVID-19 thing can be found at this link, which is to the Utah Courts webpage for updates.

Ok, so not really. It IS the end of the world as we know it for at least a few weeks to months. I’m avoiding Facebook, etc., myself, because I had been before (depression + Facebook=kill me now, most of the time) but it’s even worse now. My family is basically prepared. When the store shelves cleared immediately of toilet paper and water, I had a dozen and a half or so rolls, and kept wondering who these weird people were who thought a pandemic was the equivalent of an earthquake, and that our city water would suddenly become contaminated and undrinkable.

That’s not how pandemics work, ya’ll. That’s how earthquakes work (which as a sidenote, actually happened this morning early in the Salt Lake Valley, so maybe those folks are glad they bought up all the water…more about THAT here.).

Anyway. The beauty of my job is that I really CAN do it anywhere there’s an internet connection, and on Monday, I dragged my desktop home from my day job, and got myself set up to work from home for the next few weeks. I love working from home. As an anxious depressive, getting out of bed in the morning is excruciating, especially knowing I’ll have to, like, put on pants and makeup and not look like a slob and stuff. These past couple of days, I have literally dragged myself out of bed, put on my bathrobe, and sat down at my computer at 8am. No makeup required. No pants required. That’s straight up perfection, my friends.

Feels like straight up Magic, actually...

It’s also really fantastic that most of us really DO have technology literally at our fingertips that allows for all kinds of communication without having to be WITH anyone. My smartphone has face to face calling (Facetime because it’s an Apple, but Skype and Facebook Messenger do the same thing). I can text if I don’t feel like talking. I can receive and send email from my phone as well. And so can 95% of the world’s population (that’s totally a guess. I have no data to support that percentage.)

The population that I’M speaking to now, though, you folks in Utah, you who are scared or confused about the legal system, who are afraid to leave your homes, but afraid to not be able to leave your homes, I’m still here for you. I’ve been doing a lot of family law legal consulting. For those who would qualify for CAPSA’s services, I do it for free. For those of you who actually CAN pay some legal fees, I charge $75/hr, which I can take through Venmo or Paypal or Square on a credit card. You CAN still talk to a lawyer–I can Facetime/etc with you. Or you can email.

The point here is this: Don’t feel like you’re stuck in a situation that you don’t want to be in because you don’t have access to any legal counsel. I’m available virtually by appointment (which you can make by emailing me–see my About tab at the top of this page). Or you can just email if you have a specific question. A lot of your FAQ’s are already answered on my blog here…just go to the “search” box at the top right of the page, and type in a keyword you need info on, and everything I’ve written about that topic will come up. Hell, if push came to shove, the courts are still open, and I can e-file any case documents for a legal case I’m working on, without having to leave my home office. (I actually HAVE completed entire cases without ever traveling to a courthouse.)

So keep that in mind. Don’t panic. It may be the End of the World as We Know It, but You Can Still Feel Fine ;).

For your listening pleasure…Never lose your sense of humor, folks 😉

Protective Orders–How to get one and When

*If you are currently in danger of abuse, contact your local domestic violence shelter.  In Cache Valley, Utah, that’s CAPSA.  Staff there are trained in helping victims through the protective order process.  I strongly suggest you use that resource. Y se habla español.*

I’ve been thinking for awhile that I needed to get an article up here about the hows and whys of protective orders.  This is in Utah, remember, so it may be a little different outside of Utah, but some of this stuff will still apply to ya’ll who are out of state, so keep reading…

Who should get one:  People who are being honest to God abused, or have a reasonable fear that they are in danger of abuse.  Physical abuse is what we’re looking for here.  If the abuser is throwing stuff at you, or breaking stuff, or abusing or threatening to abuse your pet, that would give you a reasonable fear that you are in danger of being physically assaulted.  I put that stuff in bold up there at the beginning of this paragraph because this is IMPORTANT.  DO NOT USE A PROTECTIVE ORDER TO LEVERAGE A CUSTODY AWARD OR TO CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON.  The misuse of protective orders is what takes away the value and force of one.  You cry wolf on this, and you screw it up for every other person who needs to be protected from abuse.  So DON’T.

Sexual abuse IS domestic abuse.  You CAN be sexually abused in a marriage.  Being coerced (verbally abused, harassed, threatened, etc.) to do things sexually that you don’t want to do, or being physically forced to engage in a sex act even if you are married is still rape; it’s still abuse.

Men are also victims of domestic abuse…Not just women.

You don’t have to be married to get a protective order.  You don’t have to be in an intimate relationship to get one…The statute is a “cohabitant abuse” statute. If you have a roommate who’s abusive, you can get a protective order.

Also–if you are in a dating relationship with an individual who is abusive, and you feel that a protective order is the only way to stay safe and away from him or her, there is a dating relationship protective order.

The links in the paragraphs above will take you to the statutes that are the law regarding protective orders.  

HOW TO GET ONE:

Utah’s state courts website has a link on its homepage called “Protection from abuse”.  That’s the link to the page on the site…Or you can just click here.  That page has all of the forms you will need, as well as some basic instructions.  If you don’t have access to a printer or can’t download them for whatever reason, you can also get the forms from the court clerk.  Clerks are required to provide clerical assistance in filling out the forms–but not legal assistance.  They will, however, give you information on where you can get free legal info.

Fill out the forms as completely as possible.  Be detailed in describing the abuse!  I know it can be humiliating, embarrassing, demoralizing…But the court needs to be able to see exactly WHY it should give you a protective order.  DO NOT LIE.  If you haven’t been touched, but the abuser has thrown things, etc., say that.  That shows the court that  you have a reasonable fear of the abuser.

If you need one, seriously consider getting one.

Once you fill out the paperwork, give it to the court clerk.  The court/judge will sign an ex parte protective order if they feel that you have substantial basis to have a protective order granted.  The ex parte order is the temporary, until-a-hearing-can-be-held order.  The clerk will have the sheriff’s office serve the abuser/Respondent with the order.  It will also have a hearing date on it.  A hearing MUST be held within 2 weeks of the ex parte order being put into place.

The point of the hearing is to give the Respondent/alleged abuser an opportunity to be heard–he may not think he/she’s done anything wrong.  If the court still thinks you have reason to need a protective order, they will enter a permanent protective order.  Those stay in place for 2 years unless YOU, the Petitioner, request that it be dismissed, and can give the court good reasons you don’t need to be protected anymore.

So what if the court DOESN’T think you have a good reason to need a protective order at the start?  What if they DON’T give you an ex parte protective order?  You can still request a hearing.  HOWEVER, if you are not safe where you are with the abuser/Respondent, wait until you are before you ask for one.  The Respondent will still have to be served, and if you don’t have an ex parte protective order at that point, you may be in a bit of a dangerous position.

The court doesn’t always follow the law.  Some judges have different views on what constitutes abuse.  I had a client who had been repeatedly sexually abused by her husband.  She requested a protective order based on very detailed descriptions of the abuse.  The judge denied her request.  Why?  He handwrote this on the denial:  “Sexual contact in marriage, no matter how uncomfortable or unwanted, is not domestic abuse.”  The judge was WRONG.  Dead wrong.  My client was not in a position to request a hearing and have her husband served with it, however…So she just had to do her best to protect herself.

The system is NOT perfect.  BUT, a protective order can be part of a paper trail evidencing abuse if you need it for other legal reasons–like to get protective provisions in a divorce.  That said, you are the only one who knows what your circumstances are.  If you can’t get a protective order put in place and feel that it prevents abuse, don’t do it.  But please DO get out, get help, and stay safe.  You Are Worth It.